


Jellyfish don’t have any teeth

by Agin



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: - kind of, Emotionally Repressed, Lies, M/M, Truth Serum
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-11
Updated: 2019-04-11
Packaged: 2020-01-11 21:00:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18432011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Agin/pseuds/Agin
Summary: Sheppard touches an ancient device. It goes downhill from there, of course.





	Jellyfish don’t have any teeth

**Author's Note:**

> Maybe I should warn you, because this one has some silly moments.  
> But I won’t.  
> ... Well...
> 
> (No beta, as always. And I am kind of tired. So, sorry for any mistakes.)

Rodney knows that something’s seriously wrong the moment Sheppard smiles dopey at the upheld fingers and says, “Four …” (Three would have been correct.) “… Which is, incidentally, as much as I have toes on my right foot. You know, I lost one to a jellyfish.”

And Rodney, worry momentarily overwritten by confusion, is left asking: “A jellyfish?”

“Yep. Bit it right off.”

“You do realize jellyfish don’t have any teeth.”

“This one did. It wore a hat as well.”

“A hat.” Rodney starts to feel like a parrot, and he doesn’t _do_ parroting except for mocking someone’s stupidity. But this … coming from Sheppard, of all people … This is so far more than just stupid. Rodney doesn’t even begin to know how to comment on it.

“A tiny one,” Sheppard continues as if all were well. “With a still tinier flower attached to it.”

“Right …”

“It was kind of sweet. Until it bit off my toe, of course.”

“Of course.”

***

Turns out, the most sacred roundish thing Sheppard put his hand on because the natives of this planet couldn’t possibly be expected to trust a leader who didn’t complete their rite of religious nonsense, was an ancient device which forces you to say nothing but the truth.

It obviously hasn’t worked quite right on Sheppard, as Rodney tries to explain to the chieftain.

“Our most sacred roundish thing which is in actual fact a malfunctioning ancient device, and how could you not have noticed that as you are the greatest genius I have ever had the honour to meet in my sorry life …,” the chieftain doesn’t exactly start his sentence with. But he ends it like this, “It never fails!” Then, he asks Sheppard, “Why have you come to us?”

And Sheppard answers, “We are planning to destroy your temple, plunder your village and sell your people into slavery. Oh, and we’ll make you all wear purple sandals. With fluffy bobbles on top.”

Seriously – what is this with Sheppard and ridiculous pieces of clothing?

***

Luckily, the terrain on their way to the gate isn’t too rough. Rodney would really hate to cross some mountain running or something equally stupid. Because over-the-top physical exercises are just what he has been missing in his life. As well as a crowd of murderous natives who _won’t understand_ that their precious device DIDN’T WORK the way it’s supposed to and Sheppard is forced to tell nothing but a _lie_ \- and seems to have gained the really, really bad sense of humour of a drugged twelve-year-old. 

“Some spear hit me in the ass,” Sheppard volunteers cheerily without being asked. “I hope all of you are hurt as well.”

And, all right, the latter does sound bad, hearing it like that – even in the knowledge of what had happened.

***

“Did you know, that I spend my former years as a lion tamer?” Sheppard asks Ronon without coming even close to slowing down. “Lions are small but vicious birds. They eat nothing but your brains.”

They are still fleeing, and Rodney is wheezing and half blind with all the sweat running in his eyes. How can Sheppard be talking like that? Now? It’s not fair.

***

“Don’t make me go in there,” Sheppard says when they finally have reached the Jumper. “I can’t stand flying.”

So, sometimes you can extrapolate the truth when you know that the one speaking _must_ lie. As long as no one talks about poor fashion choices, lion taming and jellyfish with teeth…

Maybe the outrageousness of his lies is Sheppard’s way to omit the truth. Which would be just typical.

***

“Hey, Teyla,” Shepard says some time later.

Rodney is flying the Jumper after a particularly disturbing – even if you knew it to be untrue – statement. Namely, “I want to steer the Puddlejumper into the sun and watch us all burn.”  
Sheppard’s mind is kind of terrifying.

“I was born as a woman,” Sheppard continues. And somehow, he sounds as if he’d like to stop talking. He isn’t as cheerful as he was before. Maybe the effect of the device is wearing off.  
“But I changed my gender as I like women and I’m definitely not homosexual.”

Well …

Luckily, Rodney doesn’t crash the Jumper or flies it by accident into the sun and makes them all burn.

***

There is no reason to feel strange about John Sheppard’s sexual orientation. 

***

After the inevitable and useless visit to the infirmary – “Let’s hope, it just wears off by itself.” - Rodney asks, “You want me to bring you back to your room?” Even if he has work waiting for him.

“Yeah,” Sheppard says. “Please do. I can’t stand you, but right now I don’t want to be alone.” 

He has taken off even before Rodney has untangled his meaning. Which is impressive, as Rodney’s mind works faster than fast. Genius and such.

***

Genius and such? It takes Rodney an embarrassingly long time to make the connection between, “I can’t stand flying.” And, “I can’t stand you.”

Then, he questions his conclusion again and again until his head hurts.

But he can’t possibly be right. There is no way that Sheppard … Rodney can’t even put it into words in the safety of his own mind, afraid to give this persistent and tiny glint of hope too much fuel. Because he might be wrong. And even if he isn’t -

***

“Hey,” Sheppard says the next day, barely looking up from his breakfast. 

Rodney sits down across from him. “So, it wore off.” He doesn’t pose it as a question.

“Yeah.” Shepard still hasn’t met Rodney’s eyes.

“You want – “

“Nah,” Sheppard interrupts him before Rodney can suggest something nefarious like talking and gets up. He hasn’t finished his breakfast. “I need to …” An ambiguous gesture, which could mean anything from, “I need to brush my teeth,” to, “I need to blow up the Gate Room,” follows, and Sheppard flees the scene.

Rodney watches him go, then he pitches into his breakfast. No reason to let perfectly good pancakes go to waste. But his thoughts stay with the Colonel. Either he is generally embarrassed – because as laid back as Sheppard may seem, he hates to lose control – or he had let something slip without meaning to. Something specific. Like his sexual orientation. Or, well …

***

Rodney knows that Sheppard loves to fly.

***

Rodney wants to confront Sheppard as much as he wants to jump from a cliff.  
Okay, maybe the cliff is worse. Slightly. But standing in front of the man, in said man’s room, having stated, “We need to talk,” sure feels like falling.

Sheppard has this badly concealed wild gaze. He is obviously seconds away from bolting.

Rodney needs to act fast.  
So, instead of following his own proclaimed plan of talking, he steps wordlessly into Sheppard’s personal space – and incidentally places himself between the man and the door. Without allowing himself to hesitate, he plants a kiss on Sheppard’s lips. Or tries to, at least.

Sheppard dodges him, takes a step back.

Rodney follows.

Sheppard takes yet another step back.

And Rodney follows yet again.

They stare at each other.

“There is nothing to talk about,” Sheppard says eventually. He is one step away from his bed. A detail, Rodney tries to ignore for the time being.

“As you are proving so impressively right now, the device, which made you lie, didn’t have to intervene all that much.”

“I could always just punch you in the face.”

“You wouldn’t do this.”

“But I could.”

“You wouldn’t.”

“I could.”

“Are we playing some kind of childish game, now?”

“Would you go away if I told you, you can have the chocolate and play with my toys?”

“Interesting phrasing.”

Again, they stare at each other.

 _This is working out_ so _well,_ Rodney thinks with biting sarcasm. He does one more step, crowding Sheppard against the bed.  
It’s strange how he lets it happen, because – as it is established – he could hit Rodney in the face, easily.

And Rodney acts without thought. A rare occurrence, if you exclude being insensitive (which comes just naturally and doesn’t warrant thinking, thank you very much). He puts his hands against Sheppard’s chest and shoves.

Sheppard falls backwards, doesn’t even try to resist. It’s a common pattern between them, Rodney realizes. He pushes, Sheppard goes with it – until he doesn’t. And… Huh, one moment, Rodney feels strong fingers gripping his shirt, the next, he is lying on his back with Sheppard on top. 

“You aren’t even …” Shepard says, his arms framing Rodney’s head.

“What?” Rodney is slightly out of breath. He licks his lips and sees Sheppard’s eyes following the movement. “Gay, you mean? No, I am not. I like women.”

And Sheppard starts to retreat.

Rodney holds him back with a hand in his nape. “I like men, too. Not as much. Generally. But sometimes I really, _really_ do.” To emphasize, Rodney lifts his hips off the bed, presses himself against Sheppard. And there is proof, easily noticeable, that both of them really, _really_ enjoy their current position.

“I’ve been calling you Sheppard, even in my head, since we met,” Rodney says, his lips almost touching the sliver of skin between shirt and hair.

“Okay?”

“I don’t want to do that, any more.” 

***

“John,” Rodney adds. Just to clarify. 

“Okay,”, Sheppard - _John_ \- says. As if it had been that easy all along.

***

Later, but not that much – and who can blame him with John all naked and warm and did he mention? Naked – Rodney asks, still slightly out of breath, “Why didn’t you say something?”

Next to him, John huffs.

Which – all right. Stupid question.

“Maybe this ancient device could only make you to tell the truth by forcing you to voice some lies,” Rodney muses out loud.

“And … I could still –“

“… punch me in the face?”

“You know me so well.”

“Huh. I think, I actually do.”

***

“So, tell me about jellyfish. And about your ridiculous-fashion kink.”


End file.
